Any colour as long as it's grey

into a sub-Stephen-King-style tale of tension, horror andcatharsis.

Up to a couple of weeks ago, our bike racks, or cycle parkingspaces, or whatever the appropriate name is, were rather ordinary-looking affairs. The majority resembled nothing more nor less thanan unfolded staple with its pointy ends stuck into the pavement.

(Although in the course of the in-depth preparation for thispiece - which involved standing up and looking out of the backwindow of Chronicle Towers - one of our researchers did discoversome odd spring-shaped stands at the bottom end of Kingsmead Square.But two of them are so badly bent that they could only be used byone of those racing bikes that goes round a banked circuit at 45[degrees]. Can a square have an end? We digress.) The new bike racksare a much classier proposition. They're painted the shade of greyyou normally find on your very rich friends' new kitchen units, andwhat's really clever about them is that they're shaped like cars.

For a number of reasons, this is a very good idea.

First off, it continues Bath's long tradition of thought-provoking street art. Three years ago it was pigs, last year it waslions, now it's battleship-grey automobiles.

Second off, real cars will be less likely to drive "accidentally"into the new bike racks. Cars never deliberately attack their ownkind (it's always the other car's fault), and they aren'tintelligent enough to tell the difference between the real thing anda clever simulacrum. Thus the new stands are less susceptible toattack. QED.

Third, and most importantly, it will sow doubt in the minds ofdrivers. "Here's this bike rack," they'll think. "It takes up thesame space as my car, but they've managed to fit 12 bikes into it.If we all got out of our cars and onto our bikes, wouldn't life begrand!" Do drivers really think like that? Well, hope springseternal...

So far, the racks have been spotted in Milsom Street, QueenSquare and Westgate Buildings.

There are doubtless others, but our researcher was getting tiredand had to have a sit-down.

They encourage cycling, they don't bung up the pavements, theydon't spoil the view, and what's more they annoy inveterate cardrivers.

The more, the merrier.

They came in the night, silently and without warning. Dark grey,purposeful, skeletal shapes, they embedded themselves at strategicjunctions, pierced the streets with their alien roots, lockedthemselves down firmly, and waited.

Hugh DIXON Few saw their coming. Even fewer saw them change, fromtheir original, otherworldly, insectoid forms into a disguise soeerily accurate that in the cold light of dawn they very nearlyblended in with the scenery.

Nearly, but not quite. A few observant souls realised as theytrod Bath's early morning streets that something had changed.Forever.

Enough of this nonsense. The arrival of Bath's new bike racks isa serious matter, not to be trivialised